Gimpy Mumpy

The Swimsuit, The Gimp & The Nasty Seam

With pool therapy fast approaching I am in a bit of a panic to find a swimsuit.  It doesn't need to be fancy but it does need to be comfortable. 
Unfortunately my comfort needs are not the norm.  Ever since my spine surgery I have a sensitive 10 inch scar along the lower mid-line of my back that extends below the waistline.  The area in and around this scar is always swollen, sore and extremely sensitive to touch or pressure.  This is where my problems with clothing, in this case swimsuits, begin.
Bikini? No way, the waistline cuts right across and into the most sensitive part of my back.  One piece?  Apparently the trend is to put a thickly stitched seam running right up the mid-line of the back of the suit.  Some brands even stitch tags into this section.  Ouch!  Hence my search for a smooth backed one piece suit.  But how to tell if a suit is smooth backed?  Have you ever noticed that catalogues and online retailers never show rear photos of their swimwear?  Grrrrrr......
Update: I went in search of an old swimsuit that I couldn't remember if I still had.  I opened my spare clothes closet which I hadn't looked through recently (it's filled with mostly suits and such that I can't wear now) only to find the walls and clothes covered in black mold.  Now everything has to be pulled out and washed and the walls will need to be scrubbed with bleach.  Not feeling up to dealing with such a smell today I returned to the kitchen where Mr. M was proceeding to catch fire to a potholder.  Now the smell of burning synthetic fabric is all through the house, my clothes closet is dumped into the middle of the floor and I still do not have a swimsuit to wear to therapy tomorrow. *sigh*  I guess I should have titled this entry The Gimp, The Swimsuit, The Moldy Closet & The Kitchen Fire.
When was the last time you had a day like this?

Why Shiba Inu's Do Not Make Good Service Dogs

...or, The Story of the Turkey Feather, the Dead Mouse and the Dried Newt.

Toby is now a 5 year old Shiba male.  We rescued Toby from a kill-shelter 4 years ago after finding his adoption listing online at Petfinder.com.  Shiba Inu's are an ancient asian breed that looks like a miniature Akita.  In Japanese 'Shiba' means small and 'Inu' dog.

The Neurosis:
I must admit that this may be due in large part to his lengthy stay in an animal shelter, but my Shiba Inu has a number of neurosis and phobias.  Toby does not like certain loud noises.  This originally meant that he would whine and shake terribly at the smoke-detectors and during thunder storms.  Unfortunately Shiba Inu's are extremely intelligent.  Toby has managed to figure out that the oven, especially when on broil, and the toaster are the most likely culprits for setting off the evil smoke alarms.  Toby now shakes and whines with tail between his legs every time the toaster or oven are on.  So yes, my dog is afraid of the toaster.

The Health Problems, aka. The Puppy Cripness:
Like many purebred animals, the Shiba Inu has some common health problems.  Cataracts are a common eye problem and our Toby suffers from congenital cataracts which are causing him to gradually lose his sight.  So far this has mainly effected his depth perception but will progressively cause blindness.  Our veterinarian wishes to wait to see if he will be a candidate for surgery later in life, however this will be very expensive.  So Toby would not make a very good service animal for the visually impaired since it truly would be a case of the blind leading the blind.

Little Dog, Big Attitude:
The foremost reason that a Shiba Inu would not make a good service animal is their high prey instinct.  They will chase any small animal until catching it or reaching the end of it's leash, whichever happens first.  ('Small animal' also includes leaves, crickets, and yes feathers.)  The Shiba Inu also must always be on a leash.  The resulting situation often being that while walking along with the pup on a leash a leaf/feather/bird/frog/chipmunk moves up ahead and you are pulled and fall flat on your backside.  Once the Shiba posesses his treasure, good luck trying to take it from him.  This occurred yesterday with Toby when he found a discarded turkey feather.  He would run up to be sure you saw he had a turkey feather and then scamper off out of reach.  When we reached the front door with lots of "put it down," "no," and "drop it" we had to struggle to get it out of his mouth and Toby into the house.  He then stood panting with his head against the door for over an hour waiting to be let out to retrieve his treasure. 
Now I realize that a feather sounds harmless and we must seem terrible for taking it away (although it could have had mites on it) but more often than not his 'treasures' consist of drippy rotten mice or dried sun-baked newts. 
Lastly, Shiba Inu's do not bark.  Do not be fooled!  This does not mean that they are quiet.  As the Northeast Shiba Rescue puts it, "can emit a piercing 'Shiba Scream'."  This Shiba Scream has been known to be mistaken for tortured children, and police and rescue officials may be called to your home by concerned neighbors.  Don't say I didn't warn you!
So to conclude, Shiba Inu's do not make good service animals, however they do make wonderful members of the family.

Ever wonder why getting a referral from your doctor is like pulling teeth?

Asking your doctor for a specialist referral is like asking your Ford dealer who has only cars on his lot to give you the name and number of a Toyota dealer who has trucks in stock.
Not only do you want the dealer's name and number but you'd like them to fill out reams of paperwork and schedule an appointment for you.
From the Ford dealer's point of view you may want or need a truck but he doesn't make any money unless he continues to sell you cars.
-Gimpy Mumpy

Perhaps..........

If doctors don't want their patients to feel like a piece of meat, then perhaps  they shouldn't lay us  out on large sheets of wax paper.

Cripscrimination at the Newstand

As I was stuck in line today at the local supermarket I was bombarded with magazines for every possible person, well every possible type of person except for me. 
There were lots of magazines for the glamorous able-body types, teens, TV fans (I haven't been able to afford cable-tv for over a year now due to my continued medical problems and the snail pace of our wonderful social security system), and folks looking for tips on how to decorate their mansion(s) (uh yah, maybe if I win the lottery......but probably not even then........and of course they are not incorporating universal fully-accessable design either). 
Where is the TeenCrip? the Gimp Glamour? or Cosmo Crip?  Where is the How to Live on 10-cents-a-day? Decorating With Other People's Trash? Ramen Noodle Recipes? or Making Tough Decisions: Cable TV or Food?  Why are we so afraid to have real people on the cover of magazines?  Why not Gimpy Mumpy smiling back from the cover instead of just another pic of Brittany Spears or J-Lo? 
While on the topic; Where are fashionable crips supposed to go to find fab adaptive clothing? And I'm not talking about generic, unisex gear.  How about some hot pink wheelchair gloves?  Where are all the soft, breathable sundresses without seams for those of us with overactive nerve endings.  Where are the cute jeans and party skirts with reinforced eyelet-holes for our TENS and other electronic unit wires to feed through? 

WE ARE A MARKET so tap into it baby, tap into it. 

It's as easy as......

It's as easy as riding a bike.  It's as simple as tying your shoes.  Hmmm.......I never took notice before but these truisms are not universal.  I, for example, can do neither of these things so they do not seem easy or simple.
Our language is full of generalizations based on a particularl socioeconomic status and/or physical condition.  What if I could not afford shoes?  Would the person speaking tailor (or would that be cobble?) their wording to fit my situation?  I'm not saying that these generalizations are necessarily a bad thing in conversation but I do find it sheds some insight into our culture.